In the middle of December, my friend Kyle started a blog called "My Christmas Present to Myself." His gift was a promise: "For 365 days, I'm going to be nice to everyone I come in contact with. That's right, no arguing with the wife, no yelling at the kids, nada--for 365 days."

I look forward to reading Kyle's blog every day! Sometimes I laugh out loud. Anyway, reading Kyle's blog inspired me to write a blog of my own. And here it is.

It's called "Fighting the Fluff." Fluff is a term I'm borrowing from my friend Lynn. It's meant to describe the extra softness I've accumulated between Halloween and Christmas... The result of succumbing to the temptation of the incredible deliciousness of holiday sweets: Candy, cookies, brownies, cakes and, oh yes! chocolate chips in EVERYTHING! With these scrumptious delights in my house, you might as well point a gun to my head and shout "EAT IT!"

That, and my complete and utter failure in the department of "portion control" has fluffed me up a horribly embarrassing 6 pounds since the end of October. Honestly, though, I was already up from my ideal weight - which I'll call my "wedding weight," which was 10 pounds ago.

Truth be told, my wedding weight was 7 pounds heavier than I was at my smallest in early 2004. But since I got to that ultra petite weight by unintentionally starving myself during a very nasty and incredibly stressful split with my then business partner; maybe I won't count that. Everyone said I looked "too skinny" anyway. Right.

You're probably thinking, "10 pounds is really not that much." But on my 5-foot tall frame, there isn't much room to spread 10 pounds around... so 10 might as well be 20. That's what it looks like; and certainly feels like. UGH. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself.

So it's time to do something about it.

But it's sooooo hard! Because food, especially the makes-you-fat kind, is so delicious! And it's still Christmas! The treats are still here! For heaven's sake - on top of all the things that I personally baked which call to me from the freezer, Brian's mom sent a "care package" for New Years which included 2 jumbo sized sweet cakes (banana and lemon poppy), about 3 pounds of fudge and what looks to be about a years' supply of peanut/pretzel bark. Care package? More like "I-don't-Care-how-FAT-you-get" package! Oh, I keep trying to tell myself "it's the thought that counts" instead of allowing my evil feelings to seep in: "SABOTAGE! So many friends and family, including my dear husband who brings me See's Candies, are in the business of SABOTAGE!" NO! Don't think that!!!

Bottom line: I need to lose some weight. I'll feel better about myself. And maybe in the not-so-distant-future I'll be able to wear my skinny pants again (yes, I kept them. Don't ALL women have a pair of pants in their closet that haven't fit for years? We keep them as a goal. A dream. A torment.)

The reason for this blog is to be accountable to myself. I do that by "speaking" my food feelings. And in sharing them honestly with you, I'm forced to be honest with myself. Also, they say (whoever "they" are) that successful dieting includes writing down what you eat, keeping a journal. So here's my journal. Not just what I eat. But my feelings about food, exercise, life.

I'm not going to promise to write something every day. Just like I'm not going to promise to eat well and exercise every day. Unrealistic. I'm actually planning to accept and understand that now and again I'm going to splurge. And after the splurge, I'm not going to beat myself up about it too much.

I actually started yesterday, Christmas Day - and only ate one little bite of sweets. My lovely friend Brook made "Fruity Pebbles Treats" which I'd never had before. So I cut the cute little fruity snowman into bite-sized pieces, and ate just two bites. Yummmmmmmmmmmmm... The temptation to scarf down the entire thing was definitely there... But I fought it. And won!